*Note: I'm not a specialist, a doctor, an expert, or anything of that nature. This is my personal opinion only.
Clearly, I'm not a parent. And when I reproduce, it will probably not be multiples because fraternal twins don't run in my family and identical twins are freaks of nature. I can say that because I am a natural clone, so don't up and get all offended by that. The fertilized egg, it was minding its own business, just multiplying and it split. Too. Far. Probably before Day 5. One little ball of cells cuts itself in half and becomes two people. How crazy is that??
But I have read a lot of material on parenting twins/multiples.
There's one piece of advice that really bothers me that probably everyone just accepts as fact: Be sure to treat your twins as individuals.
This, in theory, is wonderful advice. Generally speaking, our parents did a good job of making us feel like individuals. But they never went so far as to ONLY call us by our names and never refer to us as a unit. We have been called "the girls" and "the twins" forever, by family, friends, and acquaintances.
People who insisted on calling us by our names all the time with no variation actually made me feel a little uncomfortable. Ignoring my role as part of a unit is ignoring a large piece of my identity. I often felt "Hello? I'm a twin. She's right here, we're together. Can you not see her?"
Both Baby A and I were (still are, when we have the time) voracious readers. I use the term "voracious" for good reason; those books/magazines/novels/dictionaries/newspapers never saw it coming. Naturally, if I saw something about twins, I would read it. That caused more harm than anything anybody had been calling us. I worried, for about two seconds, that I was co-dependent on Baby A. And then I realized I wasn't and quickly got over it.
"Co-dependency." "Lack of individual identity." "Underdeveloped sense of self." All this just because twins/multiples are sometimes referred to as a unit by those around them? I don't think so.
If anything, being called "the twins" or "the girls" solidified who I am. I am a twin, an identical one, who has a whole other human being hanging around that has the same genetic code. Hell yes, we're "the twins." I love being a twin!! I'm also Baby B, aka A_____, someone who is so alike and so unlike from her twin, completely individual.
I'm going to throw out an example of why ONLY calling twins by their separate names is overkill. A family, say the Robinson family ("Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson, Jesus loves you more than you will know, oh-oh-oh"; sorry, I digress), is known as "the Robinsons" often times instead of "Mr. Robinson, Mrs. Robinson, and Elaine." (Couldn't resist, because I just saw "The Graduate"). Does that diminish their ability to discern their own identities and function apart from the group? I think not.
So, maybe that example was a little facetious, I'll admit. But here's the point: treating multiples like individuals is very important, but trying to completely ignore or discount their identity as a unit is unwise. Or, if you're unsure what to call them, just ask, like, "Do you mind if I call you two 'the boys' sometimes or would you rather just be called 'Mike and Alex'?"
Signing off,
Baby B
Friday, May 23, 2008
When It Rains, It Pours
I'm not exactly one for old adages, but this one seems to ring true.
Baby A and I can go weeks, or at least several days, without anyone talking to us about being twins. We still get a lot of looks, some double-takes for sure, but the days are gone where we got stopped by at least 2 strangers a day, asking "Are you twins??"
Or, so I thought.
Yesterday, we went to the post office for some work-related business. All three USPS employees were looking intently at us when we both walked in the door. (I think they had been observing us through the glass door, as we struggled to carrying extremely heavy and awkwardly shaped boxes towards the side door where they take large packages).
The woman at the right-most station (from our perspective) asked us the $64,000 question. And the man at the middle station commented about how we were the second pair of twins they had seen come into the post office that. I guess it never rains twins for singletons, it always pours as well. One of them, I don't remember which, made a comment about "Wow, you guys sure do look alike."
It was hot and windy, the boxes had been heavy, blah blah blah (we're full of excuses to consume more calories, nom nom nom), so we decided to walk across the street to the gas station's little snack mart thing and grab ourselves a drink to share.
As we were deciding the flavors (the horchata syrup was out, so we tried some pomegranate berry non-carbonated drink, and then settled on Squirt), I looked back at the two female cashiers who were looking at us and whispering. My first thought was "Oh great, we're going to get yelled at for tasting the pomegranate healthiness that didn't taste that great."
We walked up and I took out my card. The other cashier walked away to help another customer, and the one that is still there blurts out "You guys are twins, aren't you?"
I'm going to interrupt this story momentarily to tell you our twin policy. When we get stopped, we smile, we nod, we're very polite. We do NOT get cranky or short just because we've answered these questions before. Back to the regularly scheduled program...
The nice cashier, who called us "sweetie" and "honey," then proceeded to ask if we can think each other's thoughts or feel each other's feelings. I'll admit, there was a slight internal groan, but she was so nice about it and clearly excited to ask us questions. We smiled and looked at each other. I answered.
Baby B: "Well, a lot of the time, it's because I know her so well, I can just tell."
Nice cashier: (nods) "Right, right. That makes sense. Are your names similar?"
Baby B: "I'm A____ and she's A____."
Baby A: "They both start with 'A' and they have the same number of letters."
Nice cashier: (nods) "So there's an aura thing about you two. Kind of like a hippie thing."
Baby A & B: (laughs) "That makes a lot of sense. Our mom kind of planned it that way." (smile and exit)
Having the same genes and names that start with the same letter and have the same number of letters leads to having an aura thing? I'm not sure, but I know some people are really into numerology. It's not an accident that our first names have the same number of letters and our middle names match that way too. Mom didn't take it too seriously, but it still happened that way.
So the moral of the story is that twins, young and old, will never stop getting stopped. And we kind of like it that way.
TGIF,
Baby B
Baby A and I can go weeks, or at least several days, without anyone talking to us about being twins. We still get a lot of looks, some double-takes for sure, but the days are gone where we got stopped by at least 2 strangers a day, asking "Are you twins??"
Or, so I thought.
Yesterday, we went to the post office for some work-related business. All three USPS employees were looking intently at us when we both walked in the door. (I think they had been observing us through the glass door, as we struggled to carrying extremely heavy and awkwardly shaped boxes towards the side door where they take large packages).
The woman at the right-most station (from our perspective) asked us the $64,000 question. And the man at the middle station commented about how we were the second pair of twins they had seen come into the post office that. I guess it never rains twins for singletons, it always pours as well. One of them, I don't remember which, made a comment about "Wow, you guys sure do look alike."
It was hot and windy, the boxes had been heavy, blah blah blah (we're full of excuses to consume more calories, nom nom nom), so we decided to walk across the street to the gas station's little snack mart thing and grab ourselves a drink to share.
As we were deciding the flavors (the horchata syrup was out, so we tried some pomegranate berry non-carbonated drink, and then settled on Squirt), I looked back at the two female cashiers who were looking at us and whispering. My first thought was "Oh great, we're going to get yelled at for tasting the pomegranate healthiness that didn't taste that great."
We walked up and I took out my card. The other cashier walked away to help another customer, and the one that is still there blurts out "You guys are twins, aren't you?"
I'm going to interrupt this story momentarily to tell you our twin policy. When we get stopped, we smile, we nod, we're very polite. We do NOT get cranky or short just because we've answered these questions before. Back to the regularly scheduled program...
The nice cashier, who called us "sweetie" and "honey," then proceeded to ask if we can think each other's thoughts or feel each other's feelings. I'll admit, there was a slight internal groan, but she was so nice about it and clearly excited to ask us questions. We smiled and looked at each other. I answered.
Baby B: "Well, a lot of the time, it's because I know her so well, I can just tell."
Nice cashier: (nods) "Right, right. That makes sense. Are your names similar?"
Baby B: "I'm A____ and she's A____."
Baby A: "They both start with 'A' and they have the same number of letters."
Nice cashier: (nods) "So there's an aura thing about you two. Kind of like a hippie thing."
Baby A & B: (laughs) "That makes a lot of sense. Our mom kind of planned it that way." (smile and exit)
Having the same genes and names that start with the same letter and have the same number of letters leads to having an aura thing? I'm not sure, but I know some people are really into numerology. It's not an accident that our first names have the same number of letters and our middle names match that way too. Mom didn't take it too seriously, but it still happened that way.
So the moral of the story is that twins, young and old, will never stop getting stopped. And we kind of like it that way.
TGIF,
Baby B
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
We ARE Identical, but We AREN'T Exactly Physically Alike
Why is this, you ask?
Well, young grasshopper, I have a story for you...
After we went to 40 weeks (a story for another post), it was time for Mom to get induced. It was a Wednesday morning, and that evening, Baby A was born first at 6 lbs. 4 oz. I came second at 6 lbs. 6 oz. Within days, Baby A dropped to 4 lbs. 10 oz.
What no parent wants to hear: Failure to Thrive Syndrome.
"This is a general diagnosis, with many possible causes. Common to all cases, though, is the failure to gain weight as expected, which is often accompanied by poor height growth."
Baby A wasn't developed enough, so her digestive system couldn't handle protein. Sounds like tons of fun, right? Not exactly. She lost so much weight, there was no way our parents could NOT tell us apart. She spent a lot of time in the hospital.
The doctors tried all sorts of different formulas. Then they put her on Nutramigen.
She finally started to gain weight, and she came home to be with her other half, who had been happily guzzling milk and putting on the ounces at home.
In baby pictures, sometimes the most reliable way to decide who is who is to look at the size. The slightly smaller one is Baby A. In some of the infancy pictures, there is a drastic difference, but by our first birthday, we were a lot closer in size.
Repercussions? Up through her toddler years, Baby A always had the weaker immune system and spent many nights in the hospital. Now, our immune systems are equal. My parents had to find ways to make eating fun for her, so there were a lot of songs and games and special names for food. Now, our appetites are the same. Our sizes aren't, though. I've always weighed a little more and been a little taller. Even our shoe sizes are different. She wears a 7, whereas I am a 7 1/2. We can still share shoes, like some of our heels and flip flops, though.
People have harassed us, "You guys can't be twins! Why aren't you the same height/same weight/same size/completely identical??" We sometimes reply, "No set of twins has everything exactly the same about them." If we're a little cranky, "Baby A couldn't eat anything for a long time as a newborn and got very, very sick and almost died." It just goes to show you that you never really ever know the whole story.
Sending you health and happiness,
Baby B
Well, young grasshopper, I have a story for you...
After we went to 40 weeks (a story for another post), it was time for Mom to get induced. It was a Wednesday morning, and that evening, Baby A was born first at 6 lbs. 4 oz. I came second at 6 lbs. 6 oz. Within days, Baby A dropped to 4 lbs. 10 oz.
What no parent wants to hear: Failure to Thrive Syndrome.
"This is a general diagnosis, with many possible causes. Common to all cases, though, is the failure to gain weight as expected, which is often accompanied by poor height growth."
Baby A wasn't developed enough, so her digestive system couldn't handle protein. Sounds like tons of fun, right? Not exactly. She lost so much weight, there was no way our parents could NOT tell us apart. She spent a lot of time in the hospital.
The doctors tried all sorts of different formulas. Then they put her on Nutramigen.
She finally started to gain weight, and she came home to be with her other half, who had been happily guzzling milk and putting on the ounces at home.
In baby pictures, sometimes the most reliable way to decide who is who is to look at the size. The slightly smaller one is Baby A. In some of the infancy pictures, there is a drastic difference, but by our first birthday, we were a lot closer in size.
Repercussions? Up through her toddler years, Baby A always had the weaker immune system and spent many nights in the hospital. Now, our immune systems are equal. My parents had to find ways to make eating fun for her, so there were a lot of songs and games and special names for food. Now, our appetites are the same. Our sizes aren't, though. I've always weighed a little more and been a little taller. Even our shoe sizes are different. She wears a 7, whereas I am a 7 1/2. We can still share shoes, like some of our heels and flip flops, though.
People have harassed us, "You guys can't be twins! Why aren't you the same height/same weight/same size/completely identical??" We sometimes reply, "No set of twins has everything exactly the same about them." If we're a little cranky, "Baby A couldn't eat anything for a long time as a newborn and got very, very sick and almost died." It just goes to show you that you never really ever know the whole story.
Sending you health and happiness,
Baby B
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Twins Don't Judge Their Twin, or The In-n-Out Religious Experience
Generally speaking, that is. Baby A and I have judged each other before, with that very same connotation with which everyone is familiar. Rare is the person who can say that they have never judged a family member or friend, rarer still is the person who can profess to never having judged a stranger.
Twins, though, tend not to judge each other. I'm not saying twins are saints (oh no, double the fun, double the trouble), but within twin pairs, judgmental attitudes rear their heads only oh so often.
Case in point:
Today, Baby A and I pre-gamed for our In-n-Out Double-Doubles with a cheeseburger to share. No "Wow, that's a lot of food" or "Do you really need all that?" comments. Just the burger back and forth until we got home to consume the rest of our pieces of heaven, in the guise of burgers and fries.
Side note: And the Lord said "Let there be In-n-Out" and there was and He saw that it was good. Ah-men.
If she or I had suggested that with anyone else (barring close friends who have witnessed first hand the Baby A/Baby B whirlwind at feeding time), there's a good chance a snicker or a look would have been given and the other person would've made one of those mental notes, like "Hmph. How can she eat like that?" or "That's gross."
Side note, again: And the Lord made twins and He said "Unto you shall come deliciousness in the form of meat and sauce and vegetables and cheese between two pieces of bread, and you will commune together in the deliciousness." The twins saw the holiness of this creation, and were awed by the goodness. Ah-men.
Peace (and good food) be with you,
Baby B
Twins, though, tend not to judge each other. I'm not saying twins are saints (oh no, double the fun, double the trouble), but within twin pairs, judgmental attitudes rear their heads only oh so often.
Case in point:
Today, Baby A and I pre-gamed for our In-n-Out Double-Doubles with a cheeseburger to share. No "Wow, that's a lot of food" or "Do you really need all that?" comments. Just the burger back and forth until we got home to consume the rest of our pieces of heaven, in the guise of burgers and fries.
Side note: And the Lord said "Let there be In-n-Out" and there was and He saw that it was good. Ah-men.
If she or I had suggested that with anyone else (barring close friends who have witnessed first hand the Baby A/Baby B whirlwind at feeding time), there's a good chance a snicker or a look would have been given and the other person would've made one of those mental notes, like "Hmph. How can she eat like that?" or "That's gross."
Side note, again: And the Lord made twins and He said "Unto you shall come deliciousness in the form of meat and sauce and vegetables and cheese between two pieces of bread, and you will commune together in the deliciousness." The twins saw the holiness of this creation, and were awed by the goodness. Ah-men.
Peace (and good food) be with you,
Baby B
Monday, May 12, 2008
Yes, We Live Together
Some people were shocked when they found out we were going to choose to room together at college.
"Don't you think it's time to be apart?"
"Aren't you sick of sharing a room with her?"
"Wouldn't it be better to room apart, to meet new people?"
"Isn't it time to adjust to living apart? You can't live together your whole life, you know."
To answer those questions:
No, we don't, but thanks for asking.
No. How can we be sick of sharing when it's all we've ever known? We shared a womb, for goodness sakes. We were conditioned to share.
No. Can you not meet people you don't share a room with? That's what I thought.
No. Separating now wouldn't make it easier, nor will any amount of waiting ever ease that transition.
Just here to clear things up,
Baby B
"Don't you think it's time to be apart?"
"Aren't you sick of sharing a room with her?"
"Wouldn't it be better to room apart, to meet new people?"
"Isn't it time to adjust to living apart? You can't live together your whole life, you know."
To answer those questions:
No, we don't, but thanks for asking.
No. How can we be sick of sharing when it's all we've ever known? We shared a womb, for goodness sakes. We were conditioned to share.
No. Can you not meet people you don't share a room with? That's what I thought.
No. Separating now wouldn't make it easier, nor will any amount of waiting ever ease that transition.
Just here to clear things up,
Baby B
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Story from the Past
Once when we were just toddlers, our dad was in the back of our house, minding his own business, when he heard a horrific racket from the living room. Of course, his thoughts immediately to his babies. He rushed to the front room.
And what did he see?
Baby A and myself running back and forth on the keyboard of the upright baby grand, passing each other without falling off.
Contemplate the twin physics of that.
Yours,
Baby B
And what did he see?
Baby A and myself running back and forth on the keyboard of the upright baby grand, passing each other without falling off.
Contemplate the twin physics of that.
Yours,
Baby B
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Working Together
Baby A and I work together at an internship in a city close to our university.
Benefits of working with your twin:
1. We keep each other entertained.
2. We can collaborate to make things go faster.
3. We are very good at teamwork and splitting work down the middle. One will always feel guilty if she sticks the other one with more work, so we keep it even. (Except the whole room cleaning thing. But you already knew about that).
4. We are usually on the same wavelength about how to go about something. Except today, I described how I wanted to do something, she suggested we do it a different way.
Baby B: "Can I just do it my way?"
Baby A: "Sure."
You just can't do that with the average coworker!
5. We keep each other entertained. (I put that one again because I cannot emphasize enough how fantastic it is to work with your best friend).
I'm working for the weekend, aren't you?
Baby B
Benefits of working with your twin:
1. We keep each other entertained.
2. We can collaborate to make things go faster.
3. We are very good at teamwork and splitting work down the middle. One will always feel guilty if she sticks the other one with more work, so we keep it even. (Except the whole room cleaning thing. But you already knew about that).
4. We are usually on the same wavelength about how to go about something. Except today, I described how I wanted to do something, she suggested we do it a different way.
Baby B: "Can I just do it my way?"
Baby A: "Sure."
You just can't do that with the average coworker!
5. We keep each other entertained. (I put that one again because I cannot emphasize enough how fantastic it is to work with your best friend).
I'm working for the weekend, aren't you?
Baby B
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
